I hear that same voice in my head too. It whispers always the same thing “No, I cannot carry on like this…”
It usually happens when I lie to myself, when I pretend that I’m 100% satisfied with my job, when I tell myself that things are actually not too bad with him.
“No, I cannot carry on like this…”I heard it say again this morning. So in order to clear my mind I went jogging in the park. It was warm outside, but I felt cold inside. I stopped running for a few minutes to catch my breath. What I needed though was not oxygen, but a bigger vision, a goal, an real aim to run to. I took a look around and I saw the trees, the bushes, the houses, the same old cafe. I spotted John sitting outside the cafe drinking his American coffee: he was there again at the exact same time. In brief, I saw that little angle of world where I live and I feel comfortable in. Too comfortable I guess.
One of the books by S. Beckett tells the story of a character who decides to make a journey on a bicycle. He had read somewhere that when somebody gets lost in a wood he thinks he’s going straight, but he’s actually walking in circle. So he decides to walk in circle, hoping to go straight.
Does that work? Mmmh…I’m not so sure, but trust me when I say I do understand Mr. Molloy’s bizarre idea. See most people think that the all point in life is to prevent bad things from happening. We get so obsessed in controlling events and avoid changes and then we hide behind the excuse that we are just doing it in order to feel safe.
I’m not afraid of change – it’s part of life- I’m more scared of the unknown, of uncertainty.Perhaps we should all try to do something different every day: instead of your usual latte, get a hazelnut latte, wear blue instead of black, change route on your way back home.
Paulo Coelho once said: “If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine. It’s lethal.” By routine, he does not mean a 9-5 job or having a regular life; he means getting caught up in certain habits and ways of thinking that make us miss new things that could actually enrich our life. So I decided to change route: this morning I did not run across the park in order to reach the tennis field, I run up the hill all the way down and across the small bridge where I discovered a river and a new cafe. I ordered hazelnut latte and sat on the grass. I loved the warm sun touching my skin. I felt free. So my friend I suggest you do the same: every time you hear that voice inside your head, put your trainers on and go out: find new paths to run on. With Love, Melania (Thanks to my friend Giuseppe for inspiring this post)